Caught Up In It All

Isn't it amazing how when dreams come true, and God's blessings come, there is always something that tries to take our joy?

Take for example, my life right now. Nine months ago, many, many things came crashing down.  It was literally one thing after another.  Now, we are able to breathe.  We live in this beautiful town (and in fall, it is amazingly gorgeous!!) My husband is a student and thriving.

Life should be good, and it is!  The struggles seem to outweigh all the good things that come.  I am lonely.  I long for my friendships that I had in the city but then end up getting frustrated when I find out about their goings on.  (It's amazing how life GOES ON without me...)  As I pursue other friendships here, I find I lack confidence and worry if I am sharing too much, and do people really like me... etc.

Then, when I sit down to do something simple like blog, I end up getting all ticked off for this very reason:
"The thief cometh not, but that he may steal, and kill, and destroy" John 10:10a (ASV)

Riiiiight.  So, we are following God, and that freaking thief doesn't like it.  Here comes the joy-stealer, dream-killer, and confidence-destroyer.  Well NO-FREAKING-MORE!!!!

Thankfully, the verse doesn't end there.  "I came that they may have life, and may have it abundantly."  Thank God for being God!!  Sweet balm to my restless soul.  God came so that we may have life and have it abundantly.  Not just live, but live it well.  Not just be blessed, but shower in the blessings.

My life-lesson for the day/week/month.

**On a side note, I have decided not to post pics of our little man on the blog.  There is something about putting his pics on a public blog that leave me feeling uneasy.  If you know me well enough to have my facebook or email address, send me a message, and I can always email you updated photos.

Get To Know Me

What are 5 things that make you most happy right now?

1.  Our incredible God who makes all things beautiful
2.  Andrew
3.  Elias
4.  The sunrise I am looking at as I write this
5.  The chai that is simmering on the stove

What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?

I think this is all based on perspective.  We are all dished out a lot of trials and triumphs in life.  Each trial is a learning experience, and each triumph can be a thing that you cling onto as you go through trials.  Lately, the hardest thing I have been dealing with has been the postpartum depression.  I don't like dealing with the feeling like I am going crazy, I don't like the low times where I can hardly get out of bed.  I don't know how God will use this, and I am looking forward to the day when I can be free from it.


What is your dream job and why?

My dream job is being a homemaker.  I love it because I get to spend my days investing in the precious gift God has given Andrew and I.  I also like it because I get to use my gifts to their fullest.  I love cooking and baking.  I love mentoring, and investing in peoples lives.  I am not so good at keeping our home clutter free, but I prefer to call it a "lived in" look.

What are 5 passions you have?

\1. People.  I am the type of person where I do really well if I have a couple good friends and not a million surface friendships.  I love connecting with people on a deep level and really getting to know them.

2.  Music.  I love music.  I love hearing the beauty of it.  I love playing it and singing it.  I love listening to my husband rap it.

3.  Mentoring.  I think it is very important to invest in people, and spend time being invested into as well.  I think we can learn lots from people who have walked the same journey we have walked.

4.  Cooking.  I love to cook!  I love finding recipes and tweaking them to add my own flair.  I love being able to create edible art (not really visually, but taste wise). 

5. Hosting.  I love having people over.  It is my desire to open our home to the college kids in this town, and have them treat this like home.  Knowing they can walk in the door, do their laundry, raid the fridge and have great conversation.

The Very Worst Pastor's Wife In Training...

I have contemplated using this title for a while now.  I considered making it my blog name but I feel exceptionally inadequate to have such a name as that.

My husband is in school to become a pastor.  Whether or not this is a traditional pastor, we are unsure.  He is thriving, and is happy.  This makes me so very happy as well because it has been a long road to get to where we are now.

The thing is, I am scared of being a pastor's wife.  I am scared because I am real.  I am scared because I struggle in my relationship with God.  I am scared because I don't know if I am cut out for the job.  I am scared because I am sinful, and imperfect and... and... and... I'm scared of being the very worst pastor's wife!!

I am often reminded of David when I start freaking out over what my role as a pastor's wife could look like.  Sinner, adulterer, murderer, and still considered a man after God's own heart.

One of my favorite books is "Messy Spirituality" by the late Mike Yanconelli. I haven't read it in years, but one part that has always stuck with me was the part where he talked about the most spiritual people.  They are not the ones who appear to have it all together.  They are the ones who admit just how messed up their lives are.

It makes me feel hopeful for the future.

More thoughts from "Get To Know Me"

Describe your relationship with your parents.
Let's save that for a whole other post after a bit of therapy.

List 10 things you would tell your 16 year old self if you could.
1.  Stop chasing boys.
2. Stop chasing boys.
3. Get in the habit of spending time with the Lord daily.
4. Stop chasing boys.
5. Don't skip class.
6. Stop chasing boys.
7. Keep up the running.  It is good for you!
8. Stop chasing boys.
9. Spend more time on your school work, even if you hate it and find it useless.
10. STOP CHASING BOYS!!!

(Do you see a recurring theme my 16 year old self had?)

Describe 3 Legitimate Fears And How They Became Fears

1.  Spiders.  I don't know when they became fears, but they look like angry creatures, and I don't like angry things.  I don't like how they scurry across the floor and have more than 2 eyes, and 6 legs.

2.  The dark.  Or rather, darkness.  I was 8.  My babysitter let me watch a bad/ scary movie.  I'm working through this fear.

3.  I don't know if I have another legitimate fear.  There are things that creep me out, there are weaknesses I have, and things I need to let go of.

Bear With Me....

I'm trying to get a super cool look on my blog, and figure out how to upload pictures.  Bear with me as I figure all this out!

Get To Know Me

A List:  Stolen from a blog: 

1. 20 random facts about yourself

2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.

3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misunderstand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

So here it goes:  20 Random Facts

1.  I enjoy watching Nascar.
2.  I have to cut my grilled cheese at an angle.  If it is cut in half and not at an angle, I have a hard time eating it.
3.  I didn't get my driver's license until I was 24.
4.  It was my niece's goal to get her driver's license before me.  She beat me... by 4 days!
5.  I love to cook and bake but absolutely hate the clean up!!
6. I am incredibly shy and introverted
7.  I would much rather have 3 best friends than 100 friends I just know on the surface level.
8.  I love fluffy Christian romance books, and incredibly deep thought provoking books.
9.  I hate wearing socks.
10.  I love hamsters.  Looking at a hamster's paws, I am continually reminded of how BIG of a God we serve.  If He is able to create such detailed paws on such a tiny creature, He is able to do ANYTHING!!
11. I love chocolate and raspberry mixed together with anything... coffee... brownies... icecream.
12.  I have lived in the mountains, in the forest, and on the prairies.  My heart always comes back to the prairies!
13. I am an internal processor.  Sometimes it takes me days to figure out why I feel a certain way about things.
14.  Unfortunately, with being an internal processor, it can also take me days to figure out a good comeback.
15.  I struggle with lacking confidence in friendships.  I'm always worried/ wondering if people really want to be my friend.
16.  I love people very deeply.  If I become friends with someone, I invest everything in it.  When a friendship changes, I struggle with feeling like I lost a friendship and get hurt deeply.  This is something I am working on.
17.  I am a night owl.
18.  I hope to someday write a novel and get it published.
19.  I love to sing and play piano.
20.  I love blog stalking.

Wow, that only took me... 3 days to complete the first part.  Let me know if you add this to your blog.  I love learning random things about people.

Exceptionally Inadequate

Coming up with a blog handle is always difficult.  After weeks of failed attempts because everyone else seemed to think titles such as "Suzy Homemaker," "Beautiful Simplicity," "Prairie Girl At Heart," were as original as my thought process, I was without a handle, therefore, without a blog.

After having a typical girly emotional "crisis" (which wasn't really a crisis at all, just simply me being me... still fighting through  postpartum depression, adjusting to a new place and trying to do too much in a day which resulted in a melt down,) I was able to take a few moments and process JUST HOW BLESSED WE ARE!!!

We are coming out of a place that consisted of unemployment, discontentment, and in a basement.  We have moved from all those "ments" to PLACEMENT.  We were placed here; we are meant to be here.

We live in a beautiful home in a beautiful town.  We are getting to know beautiful people, and I have the job I have always wanted-- being a stay at home mommy.

God's blessings on our life have been exceptional!  I feel so inadequate just because I know how much of a schmuck I can be.

Here is my life.  Join me if you like.  Welcome to Exceptionally Inadequate.